May 22, 2019

Love Docs, Cold and Cruel

by Zeke Martinez & Spencer Hill ('21, Substitute Relationship Columnists)

Q: My girlfriend and I broke up. Gordon is so small and while I try to be friendly I want to avoid her whenever possible. Please send advice or strategies!

A: It definitely seems like your moves so far have been really considerate! However, it totally makes sense that this would cause you a heck ton of anxiety. Inevitably, you’re going to run into your ex at a place like this. Here are a couple of ways that might help you cope with this situation:

Avoid the places your former girlfriend hangs out most.

Dress as a shrub.

Tbh, you might just have to accept leaving a group of friends.

Q: My boyfriend and I are really serious, but we’re only freshman. It kinda feels like neither of us have real friends anymore. What should we do?

A: Yo so you gotta be careful with this one dawg. It can be pretty tough if you start your freshman year off being around one person all the time. If you guys aren’t making friends, you probably are spending WAY too much time together. Maybe you two just don’t get out enough. A good way to meet new people would be to hit up campus events like Rec-IM games. This requires you to be friends with other students. Making new friends can be hard, especially when you don’t actually try at first.

We promise you though, it’s never too late. Here are some examples of other things you can go to if you’re looking to meet new people:

If you wanna make friends with people in your major, go to department events!

If you want to grow in your faith, as well as create bonds with new people, try out a life group!

Hall and floor events allow you to grow closer with people that already live near you and that you see on a daily basis.

Q: I’ve never held hands with a guy before. My boyfriend and I aren’t ready for that yet, but when we are, how should we do it?

A: It’s understandable that this bold sexual move might be intimidating to you and your boyfriend. Physical intimacy is a big part of having a successful relationship, but you have to do it at a speed that both you and your boyfriend feel comfortable with. Rushing into acts that neither of you are ready for can be harmful to your bond. Once you do feel that you’re ready to take that step, it might be tough to ease yourself in. It’s like a swimming pool, when you just dip your toes in, you get a little tingly, and it makes you scared, because it could be cold. It’s in those very moments, that you must take the leap of faith and dive into the pool of intimacy. You will know what is right, when the time is right. Just be patient, communicate, and let it happen.

Q: I know this guy is going to ask me out, but he doesn’t know I know. How can I politely turn him down?

A: That situation is mighty tricky young padawan. It seems as though you find yourself in a real pickle.

First, come to terms with the reality that you’re gonna be asked this difficult question. Start practicing a constructive way to turn the man down. Figure out if there is a way you can phrase your words to avoid being mean or hateful.

Second, ask your friends how they think he will react to rejection. Being aware of his potential reaction can better prepare you for the painful moment.

Finally, when he asks you, say what you’ve been practicing to say, and say it honestly from your heart. In this situation, kindness means showing him the respect he deserves. Remember, you can’t control how he responds and the feelings that follow. If you end up on bad terms with the dude, that’s not your fault! Be honest and hope they understand where you’re coming from.

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